Dear Blog...

I haven't talk to you for a while.... I haven't poured out my deepest thoughts and I haven't confided in you for sometime. When was the last I told you the most profound questions in my head? I honestly don't remember the last time I asked you a silly question...

But guess what, I may have to start doing that more often now. You know, you've been there with me since forever. You were in the form of a diary, a journal and now a blog. You know my history. You felt the pain. You saw all the tears. You were there in my mind, swimming through a morass of hopes, dreams, ambitions, bitterness, shame, guilt and self-blame. Yeah, you do know me well...

Remember those entries I erased? Only the two of us know, huh? We even have unpublished secrets... At least I know you are my secret keeper. My friend. My defender.

Your blank pages are comforting. They invite me to pour my heart out and experience catharsis again and again and again.

I know you are always there waiting. Thank you "Blog." Thank you for being there.... even at 3 am, when it's cold outside and the only sound I hear is the ticking of the clock...

It's almost 4 am... thanks for being here. For being a receptacle of my thoughts, my secrets, my longings, my angst. Thank you...

Thank you for being there at 3 am on a winter Sunday morning...

Maybe I Don't Know How To Love...

If you do, then maybe you could teach me how. What is love anyway?

Soooooo Done

I am so effin done for this semester!!!! I turned in my last paper today! Woooohooo. Well, I have one more group presentation on Monday then I'll be officially done with this semester but I finished my hardest paper ever and I am sooooo relieved! Finally I can go home and relax in the evening time. Finally, I'm gonna have the time to read books for pleasure! And finally, maybe I can explore Facebook more so I can see what's the hype all about. And so I know what it means when somebody sends me a growing gift hehehe

I'm just so relieved. I have only one more class to go and a thesis to write and I am done with school!!!!!!!! Isn't that the coolest thing ever????

I am ready to party!!!!! Hehehe

Looking Back

I was just reading what I came up last night after doing a few minutes of free writing. Wow. It's so amazing to see what flows from your thoughts to paper - well in this case - a computer when you just let your mind go and write whatever comes to mind and not worry about grammars and punctuation marks etc.

We did this exercise once when I took a class in Art Therapy and it was so cool how liberating it can be to write a narrative of your thoughts and just let it go.... You should try it sometime too...

Anyway, reading my previous entry again on Free Writing, I find the ending part funny. Throwing the heart out the window... Hahaha where did that come from? It actually sounds kinda gross now. LOL

I think I should do this more often - just free write and see what comes out...

Have a great Sunday everybody!

Free Writing

"Free writing is serendipitous: It can help you to discover new ideas, liberate inner thoughts and tensions, and improve your other writing skills." Writing that's not supposed to be shared with anyone but there's no harm in posting it here in my blog, no? So here's what i wrote in a free writing session i did today at 1:49 am to 1:58 am....


Just the flowers are wilting. Like no more colors. Black. Ugly. Not fragrant. Just a piece of crap sitting hanging at the end of a stem disconnected from all the life, the water the things necessary for it to grow. The birds are chirping a sad song. The clouds are looming in the eastern sky. the sun cant be seen. Where are you? Where have you been? there's nothing but the rain. the photographs are fading. in the endless sky i see the horizon. horses flying into space. Life is crazy sometimes. most of the time. The pebbles, the rocks, they stay in place. Yet they don't. They move. Feet kick them. a boulder moved by some big machinery. nothing stays in its place ever. not the flower, not the river. it keeps flowing. it keeps dying. life is just a process of dying and living and dying and living again. An dthen what, you reach out for a bottle of tylenol because your head hurts and suddenly your heart hurts too. you see it bleed. you see it break. and then you wonder, will it ever be whole again? will it ever cry again? and what if it does cry again? can you wipe the tears away and ignore the marks they leave? what are you gonna do? are you just gonna stand there? like a man on a street in a busy city flagging a taxi cab? well guess what, there are no tqaxi cabs. im afraid you'll have to use your feet so you can leave, so you can go to far far away places. like a bird you will fly free into the horizon, to countries far far away. and when you go, ill come search for you. maybe tomorrow when i wwake up i wake up searching for your love

and maybe i will find it under my pillow. the petals of sunflowers under my pillow. no scent. but the color remains. they are as yellow as ever. i hold them in my hand and feel their no longer tender petals. but fragile. carefully i touch them and put them close to my lips so i could reminisce their tenderness

maybe it will bring back great memories of yesteryears when love was new. when love was like a river flowing. crystal clear.

the floor is cold. my back touching it. stinging. i lay there with my heart in my hand. a smile on my face. my hair spread all over. i grab the heart, clenched my fist and throw it and i hope someone will be there to catch it.

or i will never find it again. no one will ever find it again.....

Filth and Tears

the dirty water flowed
into dark tunnels through
the maze of this lovely city
where the light glows
and the lovers kiss
will it ever find its way
to the dark blue ocean
and meet the tears of a woman
waiting, searching
until her soul gets lost
in the blackness of
the water.....
dark, filthy water...

After A While

After A While
Veronica Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child,
And learn to build your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight,
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much,
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye, you learn.

*found this on Abel's blog

The Perfect Tree

I wonder if there's a perfect tree.... we hit the Christmas tree lots to find one. But it seems hard to find that perfect size - something not too full yet not too sparse....

We'll see if we find the right one....

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In other words: NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

When We Love

"When we love, it is not necessary to understand what is happening outside, because everything happens inside us instead." ~ Paulo Coelho

True Love

I know this to be true...

"Ever since time began, people have recognized their true love by the light in their eyes." - Paulo Coelho

Coldstone Coupon!!!!

Found this coupon online... Print it out and go have fun :)

Ordinary Sunday

Nothing is better than Peet's Mocha. That's what I had this afternoon with Devil's Food Cupcake, sat by the window and watched people walk by. It was fun just sitting there, wondering about people's lives, watching couples walk hand in hand just taking it easy, strolling along Piedmont Ave. Then I realized that not only was I drinking the best cup of cappucino ever but I just had the best cup cake ever. So soft and creamy... you guys gotta try it sometime whenever you get a chance.

I later explored the little shops on Piedmont Ave., not that I could afford anything but you know, just to look. I was having a lazy Sunday, didn't really wanna do anything, I we went into a shoe store and tried on some UGG boots and Dansko shoes. Very, very comfortable. A little steep on the price but I think they're worth it. Too bad I'm a starving student at the moment but when I get a job again, I'm gonna get me one of those to make my feet feel good because my feet fell inlove with Dansko a looong time ago. :)

Of course I had to do chores today so I went to Ranch 99 to get me some Filipino groceries like sardinas, pancit canton, mongo, hotdog and banana ketchup. Well, for some reason, I couldn't find any pancit canton and all the banana ketchup they had was the HOT one! I need the regular banana ketchup so I could make my awesome Filipino spaghetti!!!! Oh well, I just settled for the spicy banana ketchup. Got some Filipino hotdog which none of my American friends understand why it is red. I don't understand it either but hey, I loooove it.

Before heading to dinner, I saw the Golden Gate bridge covered in thick fog and I thought it would be perfect to go take pictures so I parked near Golden Gate Fields and sat on a log to watch the sun peek through the clouds as it set. It wasn't anything spectacular but the thick fog rolling in made it really beautiful..

Then I was off to dinner in Berkeley but didn't eat anything. I just stared at the TV screen and watched football.

Now I'm ready to turn in but I will solve two more Sudoku puzzles before I go...

Have a great week my friends...

Friday Night Fun

Last night was pure fun. There's nothing better than hanging out with a good friend, eating grilled pork liempo and bulalo and buko pandan salad for dessert. Ummmmm. We ordered too much food though - but I took the left-overs home and had two meals out of that. That's how much food there was. I have to remember next time not to order so much.

Then we stopped at a bar for some drinks, couple long islands or so. Didn't really drink that much because I was driving but that was really really fun too, just sitting there, talking about dreams and just pretty much anything under the sun.

Oh, and we (yeah right, WE) made the best popcorn I've ever had. No, not the microwave kind. It's the kind that you put in a pot and cook it on the stove top. Ummmmmm. It tasted soooo good I want some right now!!!

Anyway, gotta do some errands before it gets too late in the day. Gotta clean this pigsty for the coming Thanksgiving holiday....

Ciao.

Moments

“The moment of that kiss contained every happy moment I had ever lived.” - Paul Coelho

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Who's Afraid of Death?

Food Talk

Back in April this year, the San Francisco Chronicle published the Top 100 Bay Area Restaurantsand guess what. I've only been to six. Looks like I have 94 more to go. Hehehe So here are the restaurants I've been to that made it to Top 100.

Bistro Jeanty (French Cuisine)- Actually I haven't been to Bistro Jeanty but I've been to Jeanty at Jack's which the paper described as equally enticing. It's owned by the same chef Philippe Jeanty. They have a great rendition of sole meuniere, steak tartare, cassoulet and quiche. I had Carpaccio (picture on the right) when I went there. And of course not to be missed is their tomato soup with puff-pastry dome. Prices: $14.50 - $34

La Taqueria (Mexican Cuisine) - I used to work a few blocks from this place although I've always tried to avoid the lunch crowd. It gets so packed and the lines are so looong. It's in the Mission District where there are tons of taquerias but La Taqueria stands out. Their burritos are top-notch. This is a no-frills restaurant. You wait in line to order your food and sit on picnic-style benches. If you ever go, don't forget to try their agua fresca. I am partial to strawberry. Prices: $1.85 - $5.25

Slanted Door (Vietnamese Cuisine) - This one's in the San Francisco ferry building overlooking the bay and the Bay Bridge. Love their shaking beef and creme brulee. The Chronicle suggested cellophane crab noodles, chicken clay pot, pho and other stuff. After lunch or before, whatever suits you, you can browse around the specialty stores in the building for wine and cheese and organic vegetables. There is also a farmers market outside and an artisan market across the street every weekend. Prices: $16 - $32

Ton Kiang (Chinese Cuisine) - If you decide to go here, go early. There's always a line at peak times although it seats 235 people. I love their dim sums. Definitely one of the best in the City. Specialties include steamed dumplings and dim sun, clay pot dishes etc. Prices: $8.50 - $25

Vik's Chaat Corner (Indian Cuisine) - This place doesn't look too inviting from the outside. It looks like a warehouse. Well, it is a warehouse. But as the Chronicle described it, it has developed a cult-like following, from people like Alice Waters who is one of the best-known and most influential American chefs (she is the founder of Chez Panisse which is also on the Top 100 List and where Prince Charles and his wife dined last year) to construction crews and people like me. If you like cooking, they have a store next door where you could buy Indian spices. Don't forget to try their Bhatura cholle, pakori chaat and chicken biryani. Prices: $4 - $6.50

Yank Sing (Chinese Cuisine) - I used to work down the street from this restaurant and had my lunch there quite a few times. I love their dumplings and custard tarts. Their specialties are Peking Duck, honey-glazed sea bass, honey walnut salad, shanghai dumplings and custard tarts. Prices: $3.65-$15

Next on my list are Bay Wolf - a California-Mediterranean restaurant on Piedmont Ave. in Oakland, Chez Panisse - a Mediterrenean restaurant at the Gourmet Ghetto in Berkeley and Zarzuela - a Spanish restaurant in San Francisco that serves paella. Chez Panisse is on the bottom of my list because it's too pricey - about $50 - $85 fixed price.

So there it is. If there's one place I would recommend among these six restaurants I've been to, it's Ton Kiang. Unless you're not in the mood for Chinese cuisine. :)

Have a great week my friends. Now I'm officially hungry.

Back To Reality

3-day weekend is over. And nope, I'm not ready to go back to the daily grind yet but I have to. The good thing is... it's only gonna be a 4-day worl/school week! ANd next week is Thanksgiving Break so I get the whole week off. But it looks like it will be spent writing papers and finishing up projects to get ready for the end of this semester...

So tomorrow.. I'm back to the Center. I can't really talk about what I do there because of confidentiality requirement but I really, really love it there :) Honestly, I am looking forward to it. It will be another long Tuesday but I'm sure it will be a productive one...

I'll keep you guys updated about my past weekend when I have more time...

Ciao.

Key Elements to Happiness

Got this from my previous job...

Key elements to happiness:

• Control over your own life
• Optimism
• Religion
• Involved in challenging jobs/hobbies
• Close relationships
  

When one is stuck in a situation, one has four options:

• Change
• Make the best of it
• Leave the situation
• Be miserable

Today's Self-care

A beautiful drive up north to the Mendocino Headlands....

Beer Float

Hazelnut Nectar Ale Ice cream float to celebrate the weekend. :)

The Best Chicken Adobo

I made chicken adobo earlier, and trust me, it’s the best chicken adobo ever. ;) Here’s how I cooked it….

Ingredients:
1 medium garlic, peeled and chopped
3 lbs. whole chicken
1 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup Silver Swan soy sauce
2 tsp. Pepper corn1 tsp.
Ground black pepper
2 cups water
1/3 cup Canola oil
bay leaves

Sautee garlic in oil until medium brown. Add the chicken and cook until it’s light brown then simmer. On a separate sauce pan, combine vinegar, soy sauce, ground black pepper and water. Cook in medium until it boils. Let it boil for about 2 minutes then pour it on the simmering chicken. Add Pepper corn and bay leaves and let it simmer, stirring occasionally until only half of the sauce is left. Serve over hot plain Jasmine rice. Yummy.

On To A New Road

For those who followed my old blog for sometime and were quite disappointed when I stopped writing, not that you really were disappointed, hehehe, here's a new one! I am blogging and writing again!!! Curious why I stopped blogging more than a year ago? Well, there are multiple reasons and one of them is simply me, wanting to take some detours.

But hey, here I am, still on the road to whatever this awesome life is leading me to. Ready to write again. Ready to share with you all this wonderful journey called LIFE. It's about time I stayed in touch with family, friends and even strangers again...

I will also be posting entries from my old blog... so you can kind of get a glimpse of me in the past...
so if you feel like it, browse around. See if you could find little nuggets of wisdom here and there, They're yours for the taking.

Life is good :)

29-Hour Days

Yeah. That's what I need. Extra 5 hours each day so I can do everything I want and need to do. 24 hours don't seem to cut it for me nowadays. What with all the craziness of writing my thesis proposal, piles and piles of books to read, papers to write, a demanding internship at SFGH/UCSF and on top of that, my life too. Well, I don't have much of a life for the past year or so. I barely even have time to hold my camera anymore. But hey, last night was different.

I am swamped with 4 papers, a thesis proposal and a group presentation all due next week, but last night I decided to procastinate. It was a conscious decision on my part. I just didn't wanna do anything. So A and I went to see a movie instead, went for a coffee after and browse the travel section at the bookstore later.

A and I saw Feast of Love which I thought was going to be a romantic comedy. Dumb, uh? It wasn't comedy. It was a definite tearjerker! And almost all the people in the movie theater were significantly older than us - probably 20 years older than us or more. Everybody was sniffling and crying and I did have those moments too but I just pretended I didn't cry. Overall I would say the movie was good because it made me cry so you can say it impacted me. But it's not something I would rave about. I would have been fine waiting for it to come out on DVD. But it was a fun night. Away from my papers, my books and my computer for once.

The coffee was good and it was fun just reading about places to go to and dream about.I didn't wanna go home after having coffee. I was having such a fun time away from my books that I didn't want it to end. So armed with my camera we drove to the lake and took some pictures. The lake was so still, the moon's reflection so captivating. I've never seen the lake by my place so beautifully serene. I snapped some photos and then it was time to go...

Now I'm staring out the window and I see blue skies. Now I wish I did my papers last night so I could go outside and play in this beautiful weather. But I guess I should be satisfied that I get to walk to the Farmer's Market realy quick and see if I could buy some cheap ampalaya (bittermelon), talong (eggplant), okra, kamatis (tomatoes) for good 'ol pinakbet.

Ok, gotta put my sneakers on and head to the farmer's market. See you around!

Fun Saturday

Z and I strapped our bikes to the car and went biking in San Francisco. We only biked around 11 miles at Golden Gate Park, exploring small trails and main roads then stopped at a little cafe on Irving for a nice afternoon snack. It was beautiful day, a little foggy at first but it burned off. I just wish we rode more - I enjoy pumping my leg muscles this way and it's a great cardio exercise.

Golden Gate Park is such a bike-friendly park and lots of green grass to sit on and rest whenever you need to. Our last stop was the Shakespeare Garden which is rarely ever crowded unless there is a wedding ceremony. And just like the last time I was there, it was empty. We had the garden to ourselves and it was so nice to take my helmet off and lay on the grass to relax.I am hoping we could log more miles this week. Need that exercise you know....

Ngarag Na

Ngarag dahil sa walang katapusang summer school. Iisa na nga lang klase ko ngarag pa rin. Pano ba naman kasi, dala-dalawa ang trabaho. Hirap talaga ang buhay estudyante. Haaaay, dalawang trabaho pero hirap pa rin. Puro noodles na nga lang kinakain ko hahaha. Kaya di na rin ako nakakapagblog masyado dahil sobrang kabusyhan sa buhay.

Haaaay buhay. Naiinis lang ako ngayon kaya ako napa-blog ulit. Kais ganito. Kung nasa trabaho ako at nakita mo akong papasok sa banyo - parang awa mo na - huwag mo akong sundan para makipagkuwentuhan. Kahit pa boss kita, hindi mo dapat gagawin yan dahil yan pinakamatinding pet peeve ko yan. Pano kaya ako makakapagconcentrate so kubeta kung nakikipagkuwentuhan ka sa kin. Sa susunod, ganito. Antayin mo akong matapos sa kubeta. Tapos tawagan mo ako sa extension ko para alam mo kung nandun ako sa loob ng aking opisina. At kung nandun ako, umakyat ka at tsaka tayo magkuwentuhan. Komportable ka na, makakaupo ka pa. Hindi yong ako lang ang nakaupo at sa inidoro pa. Okay?

End of rant. Magsusulat muna ako ng aking policy analysis...

My First Real Long Weekend

We're talking about a real long weekend. A weekend where I did nothing but fun stuff! I spent Wednesday night working on my research proposal and got a feedback from my Professor the next day saying I no longer need to edit anything because it's close to perfect and gave me an A+ for it. Thank god she responded on Thursday. I was able to enjoy a leisurely weekend.

R, Z and I went on a day drive to Glen Ellen up north in Sonoma and visited Jack London State Park. It was quite a nice walk through the woods all the way to the Wolfe House, built by the famous author Jack London. We also walked all the way up to where his ashes were scattered marked with a big rock. It was so quiet up there. So relaxing. There was nothing but the sound gentle sound of our footsteps on the trail and the occasional chirping of birds.

We drove back to Glen Ellen and stopped for some chocolate tasting. Hmmmm. I love the tiramisu cabernet the best. They were about $1.50 per piece which was a little steep. But they're so worth the money. On our way back, we went through Napa, sipped espresso and just enjoyed the day fading out.


Saturday was family time. I took my mom on a drive to San Francisco, relaxed at the Golden Gate Park, sipped some tea at the Japanese garden and stopped by Sausalito for some afternoon coffee.

Today was bike ride day. My good friend Bolivs let me borrow his bike and had to test it out. So I drove to Alameda and tested it on the trail by the bay. Man, the bike rides so fast! I'm hooked!!! I loved the wind against my face and the views were fantastic.

Now, I'm back to reality. Gotta finish a few more papers and I'm done for this semester.

Things That Matter

I spent the whole weekend and Monday at the State Capitol learning more about the legislative process and how appropriations work. It was definitely an eye opener for me, having the chance to understand Assembly Bills and Senate Bills and what they really mean for me and the population I work with.

We discussed the governor's proposal of $456 million dollar cut on CalWORKS in 2007-2008 and $566 million annually thereafter which will directly impact families and children. It looks like the governor is trying to balance the budget on the fragile backs of California's children. We say no to this budget cut because it is unfair. We say no because it will create great difficulties for low income families, especially children, who will be at risk of hunger and homelessness.
We also tackled the issue of homeless. Senate Bill 2, if passed, will mandate cities and/or counties to designate a space as shelters in their planning. I'm not really sure about this bill. I think it is shallow, temporary and palliative and doesn't really address the problem of homelessness.

One thing that I was passionate about was Universal Health Care for all Californians. The state of California is the 6th largest economy in the world. We already spend about $180 billion dollars in health care and $20 billion is wasted over unnecessary administrative cost due to HMO's and what nots. Yes, $180 BILLION and many Californians are still without access to medical care. What are we thinking? Yes, we want health care. And we want it for everyone. Senate Bill 840 will allow every Californian to have access to health care. It won't be based on employment. Health care which is a basic right will be available to all. Universal Health Care will cut the unnecessary administrative cost, thus saving the state more money. In the long run, the state will save around $346 billion dollars in ten years because of the focus on preventive care and other cost saving measures.

Before leaving the capitol, we were able to meet with a few senators and members of the congress about these bills and how much their votes matter. We appealed to them in behalf of their constituents that would be impacted if they reject this bill.

It was an amazing experience just being there, learning all the tools on how to lobby for a bill that would impact me and other fellow constituents. Plus I got to spend some time with friends and colleagues in exploring Old Sacramento and touring them around the State Capitol.
Let's be proactive. Write to your senators and your local representatives. Tell them how Universal Health Care would benefit you and others. IF you voted for your senator, tell them so. Let them know that you voted for them and that you expect them to represent you and the people.

I am looking forward to that day when health care is available to every Californian. Young and old, working and non-working, students and professionals having access to doctors and medical care. Prop 63 happened. SB 840 can and will happen.

For more information about the Universal Health Care Bill (SB 840), visit www.onecarenow.org

Lunch in SF

What a great way to end a very exhausting week.

A and I went to Jeanty at Jack's in San Francisco, a French Bistro. It's a cozy place that serves absolutely mouth-watering French cuisine. It is uncomplicated, superbly-prepared French bistro food. And that's a fact.

I had the Tomato Bisque en Croute to start with. It is absolutely the best tasting tomato soup ever!!! It is uniquely serve on a white ceramic bowl with pastry covering it. When I dug my spoon into it, the soup was steaming hot. The taste is heavenly. A ordered a salad but too much vinaigrette I guess so they had to replace it.

Then I ordered Smoked Salmon Carpaccio while A went for Cassoulet. I give the Salmon dish 5 stars. I had a bite of A's Cassoulet and that is something that I would have to order next time I'm at Jack's. Everything just tasted so good, deeply satisfying and expertly executed.

The ambiance of this French bistro is warm. We were seated on the mezzanine level which provided reasonable privacy. Noise level was ok until lunch crowd from the financial district started coming in.

I had fun though. Great food, great conversation. I really had a great time.

A perfect ending to a very stressful week.... :)